Friday, 9 December 2011

My Dog Can Talk, Apparently

I read the Mama Mia post: "My Dog Knows I Don't Love Him" today and laughed OUT LOUD. So random and so funny. Fang definitely knows I love him (OBSESSED), but I confess: I too went to a dog psychic.

About a year ago I was concerned about a couple of Fang's behaviours (being scared to eat out of a bowl & yapping with every knock on the door) so sought the advice of a trainer, as well as a pet psychic who a Social Diary member put me on to. Like the psychic in the MM story, she too was an experienced vet who had moved into the field of animal communication. Who even knew there was a field? As she was based in Victoria, she asked me to email a couple of pics of Fang and she'd do a phone reading - for around $60. I figured if it wasn't helpful it would at least be hilarious. But I wasn't ready for what she told me...

She said that what was really upsetting Fang was he didn't like being called gay...because (apparently) he's not. She very pointedly said: 'You call him gay, don't you? And other people do too?' I was like 'um...cripes, sometimes! But it's just because he wears a collar with diamante lettering saying FANG and is always humping boy dogs!!' She told me in no uncertain terms to cease & desist, which made me feel very ashamed indeed. But the confusing thing is, she later said that Fang asked her to ask me to get him a rainbow collar. Apparently the diamantes chafe his neck and he loves rainbows. So a straight dog who resents being called gay wanting a Gay Pride collar? I decided the diamantes were staying...but admittedly, I haven't called him gay since. I now tell him he's virile and macho and manly, particularly when he trembles in fear of the rain, wind, birds, the ironing board, Great Danes, Huskies, and...CATS.

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